Our Story – Heartbreak to Hope

David and I have been together since we were 19 years old and married for over 11 years now. Through years of infertility and surviving cancer, our love for each other is stronger than ever. We live in Michigan with our insanely spoiled cat, Reynolds, and appreciate every single day. But there’s still something missing, and that’s a family of our own.

Our journey to parenthood started in 2011. When the old-fashioned way wasn’t working, we decided it was time for some testing. We were absolutely stunned to find out that David didn’t have any sperm and I was reaching menopause earlier than normal, which meant I didn’t have many viable eggs left.

No sperm…bad eggs…was God trying to tell us something? No, we couldn’t believe that. We knew in our hearts we were meant to be parents. After taking some time to grieve for the future we always envisioned, we realized our dreams of having a family weren’t over. We went on to try two IVF procedures with donor sperm, but both cycles failed. My eggs just weren’t up for the challenge. We were beaten down, but not defeated. We kept coming back to one thing…loving and raising a child was more important to us than anything. More important than biology or DNA.

It was at this point we decided to start our family through the wonderful opportunity of embryo donation. If you’re not familiar with this process, here’s a quick explanation: when a couple undergoes IVF and completes their family, oftentimes they have remaining embryos. Instead of destroying those embryos, they choose to donate them to a couple like us. In turn, they’re not only giving those already created embryos a chance at life, they’re also allowing us to carry a child and become parents. It is a beautiful and remarkable gift in so many ways.

Choosing embryo donation was a real turning point for us. Coming to peace with not having biological children was hard, but ultimately we couldn’t imagine building our family any other way. We felt hopeful again. Little did we know life had another detour in store.

We got the shock of our lives when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Suddenly, we put the brakes on infertility and threw ourselves into fight mode. After chemotherapy, surgery, and a lot of support from David and loved ones, I am grateful to be cancer free and have an excellent prognosis! Sadly, though, part of my treatment consisted of a complete hysterectomy, which means I can no longer carry a child.

Despite all of these hurdles, we are in no way giving up on our dream of having a baby. Our experiences have only reinforced and reminded us of what’s really important in life, and that’s love and family. We have a lifetime of love to give and want nothing more than to have a family of our own.

We’re still excited about and plan to move forward with embryo donation, but we now also hope and pray to find a gestational surrogate to carry our baby for us. We feel it could be a beautiful experience for both us and our surrogate and would love to find someone just as excited about the adventure as we are.

Surrogates are usually compensated $20,000-$50,000, which they absolutely deserve! We wish we could give our surrogate this and more, but after infertility and medical bills, it’s an amount of money we simply don’t have. We’re hoping to find someone who understands this and wants to give the gift of parenthood more than anything else.

So the search is on and our journey continues. It’s been quite a story so far, but we’re ready for the next chapter and have faith that it will be the best one yet. We believe with all of our hearts that there is someone out there willing to share this gift with us…we just have to find them!

When people hear our story, they often ask us if we’ve considered adoption or foster care. The answer is absolutely. However, a lot of adoption agencies require a 2-5 year waiting period after being declared cancer free. For us, surrogacy with donated embryos feels right at this time, but our hearts are always open to adopting a newborn in the future, as well.

Thank you so much for reading our story. We would love for you to share it and help us find the perfect gestational surrogate to fulfill our dreams of having a baby!

With Love,

Alicia & David

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34 thoughts on “Our Story – Heartbreak to Hope

  1. I would love to be able to discuss this with you guys if you’re interested. I have three wonderful beautiful children of my own. The only down side of me I guess you could say is that I have systemic lupus. I am healthy and thriving. So again it would be up to you two. Since you are searching for someone who’s willing to give this gift to you…I am here. So It is in yours and God’s hands.

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  2. wow your story is amazing! And believe it or not carrying a child for someone is on my list of things to do! I have two beautiful children of my own and believe that everyone should get a chance to become parents! If I can help Id love to !

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  3. I would love to do this for your!! I sent you an email with my personal info! I have four babies two of which are from IVF.. Hope to hear from you soon!! ❤️

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  4. My name is Crystal Federspiel. You’re story touched my heart. I would love to do this for you. I have been on this path of always giving back since my mom died two years ago and my father ran off and stopped talking to everyone. I’m 26, married and have one child of my own. I believe everyone should be able to have a family of their own because family should be your number one. If you would like to you can email me and we can talk more. I look forward to hearing from you.

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  5. I had never heard of embryo adoption before reading this. I think it is such a wonderful thing for you to do, to give an embryo a chance at life. Wow! It is sad to think that they may otherwise be discarded. I see that you already have a few offers and that is amazing. I cannot think of a more wonderful gift to give someone. Good luck!

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  6. i would love to be a surrogate for you. I have two beautiful childern and I would love to help someone have the same thing please email me if you are still looking

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  7. Sounds like you both have many people behind you! Everyone deserves parenthood and what a wonderful opportunity to help two very deserving people. If you are still looking, I would be honored to be a surrogate. I’m 30 and my husband and I have two beautiful healthy children. I carried both children to full term (8lb 1oz & 9lb 3oz), with no complication. I believe in my heart that Christ would have me to fulfill this gift.

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  8. What an amazing story this is! And to have so many women you’ve never even met willing to give you the gift of parenthood without a second thought. This really hits home with me as I am actually an experienced gestational surrogate. I carried twins last year and I will be cycling again at the beginning of the year. I love surrogacy and I’m familiar with every aspect of it. I know you are probably ready to get things started and I totally understand the urgency after all the time already put towards having a baby but if you don’t mind I would like to email you when I am finished with my current journey. Hopefully you are well on your way of having a baby by that time…but if not maybe I can be of some assistance :)

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    • Hi Stefanie, first of all, thank you so much for giving the gift of surrogacy! You are an angel right here on earth! We’re hoping to cycle late 2015 – early 2016, but we’re definitely flexible. As a proven surrogate, I know you’ve probably got a bunch of intended parents knocking at your door, so I would be honored if you kept us in mind. :) I’ve finally figured out how to see commenters’ email addresses (I’m new to this website thing!), so I hope you don’t mind if I send you a quick message. And yes, the response and support we’ve received today has been beyond overwhelming and humbling. I’m still in shock and probably won’t sleep a wink tonight! Thanks again for reaching out to us and best of luck to you in your upcoming surrogacy adventure!

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  9. Thanks for sharing your story. We had our son via a host mother. So biologically he is ours I was just not able to carry a child after our first. Long story, but God had an amazing plan for our family and there is NO doubt it was a miracle that we have him. I wish you all the best. If you have any questions for someone who has been down this road let me know.

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  10. Hello! I would love to be able to talk to you more about what you’re looking for and what the process is for doing this. I see you’ve been getting a good response and I’m very happy for you! No matter if it’s me or someone else, I hope you get this family you are wanting! Email me and we can discuss. Thanks and have a wonderful day!

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  11. Hello, your story is very touching. Since having my daughter a year ago I feel very strongly for women who are having fertility issues. I have been looking into becoming a surrogate for this reason. Please, email me and we can talk. Thank you.

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  12. If you found no one you felt compatible with,this is a gift I could offer. Being pregnant was not the best experience for me, but the outcome was miraculous and I would help you obtain that miracle for your selves. Email if you would like to interview. I live in Michigan too and have an amazing 3 yr old :)

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  13. I became a mother for the first time through GS after many years of infertility. I will be following your story and will be adding you to my blogroll. Let me know if you have any questions…I hope you find the perfect partner for your journey. :)

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  14. wish you all the best with your procedure! I underwent surrogacy too. when I was 15 I have undergone heart surgery. I wouldn’t survive without it. thank God my parents found good doctors, which cured me. but I still have to take pills and do some medical checks. my husband proposed me when I was 19. I’ve got pregnant in 3 years after our wedding. we wanted this baby and we planned it. I knew about risks. my doctors told me I’m crazy if I leave a baby. my heart could not stand pregnancy. it might cause problems not only to my health, but baby’s health as well. also doctors told me there is high possibility I might die. all this scared me to death! but after long discussion with my dh we decided we should make it. I don’t know if I regret about this decision. I don’t know maybe I would regret my whole life if I made an abortion on early term. unfortunately doctors made me to terminate pregnancy on 6th month. I had dyspnea, edema, blood circulation disorders. I felt pain in chest. my heart was in pain not only because it was hard for him to work for two, but also because I knew I should make my choice. my life or death of both me and the baby. unbearable pain had never left me. fortunately my first surrogacy have a happy final. I had surrogacy procedure in biotexcom. I was fully sure that surrogate mother was healthy and had her own healthy kids. Ukraine is becoming popular among foreign infertile couples nowadays. the most surprising for us was there were so many people. there were couples from all over the world. some came for their first meeting with doctor. some came for fertilization. some came for ultrasound check. we talk with couple from France. they came for delivery of their baby. they looked so happy, I will never forget those sparkles in their eyes… that was an exact moment when I made a decision to sign contract with this clinic. our girl is 1,5 years old) she is the most beautiful girl in the world!)

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    • Polla, I’m so happy to hear you were successful with surrogacy and now have a beautiful baby girl! We have one more try with our friend/surrogate and are praying with everything we have that it’s successful. Thank you so much for sharing you inspiring story :)

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